Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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