Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Couch. On fire.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
