Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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