cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
