wanna go halves on a baby?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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