i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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