I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize