What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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