goodnight i made you a song goodbye
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
