Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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