Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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