Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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