Your face is a jimmy john
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
