Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
