I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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