Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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