Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
