he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
