New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
