Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
