Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
