I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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