i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
