I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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