I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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