I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
