this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
