After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
