So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
