this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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