he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my liver is dry heaving
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize