3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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