I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I touched a dick in church today
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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