y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
