he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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