So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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