My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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