It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
