guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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