you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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