ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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