I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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