don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
