next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
