Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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