I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
