we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
