I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
