If i come over, it means nothing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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