and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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