I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
