got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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