need another drink. this is the easiest way
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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