i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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