I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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