i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize