I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize