saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
