i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
