why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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