I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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